Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
