smell my finger.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
