Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
