Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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