I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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