I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
