Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.

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(415): View more from California

Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina

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(313): View more from Michigan

I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.

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(925): View more from California

I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.

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(206): View more from Washington

I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.

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(847): View more from Illinois

saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.

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