Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
