The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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