Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
