Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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