Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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