found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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