Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
