i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
