Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...

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(808): View more from Hawaii

Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps

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(630): View more from Illinois

Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.

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(650): View more from California

I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers

(847): View more from Illinois

I can't see you

(847): View more from Illinois

I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche

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(314): View more from Missouri

I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers

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(845): View more from New York

I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink

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