so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize