drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
