smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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