Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
