so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
As shirtless as possible
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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