actually, I'm a sock model
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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