Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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