textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
