Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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