I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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