those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
