Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
