New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
