I think im going to throw up on grandma
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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