she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
