Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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