I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I could fuck to npr.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
