I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
