He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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