My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
