it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
