i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
