Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize