i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
