I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
