Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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