so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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