I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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