her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
