I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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