Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize