dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
