i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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