the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
