i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
