You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
