I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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