i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
