So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Are we still banned from the library?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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