I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
