If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
