Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
