Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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