I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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