Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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