But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
