can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
