Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
