I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
