how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
