I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
