it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
