At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
