ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
