I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
