Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
