Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize