I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
