Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
