People with herpes should wear stickers.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
