Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
